Last night, going for cell was different for me. Because for the first time in two years, I am no longer the cell leader.

It was a refreshing experience, because I could really relax and listen to the message without worrying about the time, worrying about whether we're on track with the agenda, worrying if there was going to be enough food later, worrying if one of the members was feeling out of place because she is being so quiet.

Jeff conducted a sharing about what the new year's theme meant to us, and I was so blessed hearing everyone share their thoughts. I think Jeff's doing an amazing job, as I always knew he will. When I first approached him about taking over the cell leadership, his response to me was, "I'm not ready".

And I told him that's exactly how God likes it, because God does not call the equipped, but rather equips the called. God has been so amazingly good to me in the two years of leading the cell. It was a rollercoaster journey, but I learned so much about God, about myself and mostly about God's faithfulness to me that I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I've been serving in one ministry or another since my Techflow days and looking back, I am so grateful to see how God has led me from one ministry to another, in order that He may mould me and perfect me in many different areas that I may be complete. It always seemed to get more challenging, but it is through those moments, that I experience God in a more intimate way than ever.

God. He truly is amazing.

These days, I am really just seeking for more of God in my life. It seems as though the more I lean on Him for answers to certain things in my life, the more I am consumed by a hunger for Him. There is so much of God that I have yet to discover, and it is a joy to wait on Him and hear Him and get to know this big God whom I am falling in love with, more and more each day.

God. He truly is amazing. Can never say that enough.

I am waiting on God on this next season in my ministry, to see where He will lead me to and where I can serve next.

God's got a plan, and I know it's going to be good!

Have you ever felt like you're on the verge of something, something life changing, something big? Like something's going to explode soon, and transform you into a new place, a new season?

That's exactly how I feel right now.

Like I'm spiritually about to give birth to something. I sense it coming, but I don't quite see it; and yet I know it's coming.

That's how I've been feeling these past month.

I don't quite know how to explain this sensation. These days, I can't find words to describe the things of God (which is rare for me!)

But it's a good feeling, it really is. I'm excited because I know God is up to something.

I've been reminded of something these past few weeks.

This year, the church's theme was 'Power to Empower Completely'. At new year's service this year, Ps Henry that the year '10' would be the year where God would complete all that man cannot complete.

Truth be told, I stood there at the service this year and unlike the years before, I was filled with a sense of scepticism when I heard it.

You see, I've followed the church theme's faithfully since I was 21. That year, the theme was to 'Release the Old, Proclaim the New and Possess the Future'. When the cloth was unveiled (Grace's practice was to cover the theme board until the stroke of midnight); the words jumped out at me. And I felt very strongly that God was speaking to me. It was a pivotal year in my life - when I made a decision to come back to God and with those words, I felt God was reassuring me that He was going to set my life in order.

Since then, so much of things have happened (but that's another blog post for another time).

To cut the long story short, this year, I grew tired. And at the start of the year, I was wondering if it was all worth it. Believing, praying, hoping and having faith. I grew tired of waiting on God. And I was wondering really, if God was really going to show up. It's been a while, and He's been silent.

This fact, coupled with the strains and demands of a new job, totally did me in.

I was praying and serving in church and doing these things for the sake of doing things. But I had lost my first love for God, and the things of God. And that is the most tragic thing that can ever happen in a person's life.

I reached a point of breakdown in May this year. I didn't collapse physically or anything; but my spiritual life was in shambles.

And that was when God showed up.

It all started when He brought me to Hong Kong for a 3 weeks training. I don't know about you, but 3 weeks training in HSBC terms basically means 3 weeks of no work, a whole lot of course materials disguised as work but generally just an excuse to lepak, and putting a bunch of young people in a foreign land is equivalent to holiday. And me, being me, resisted the training because I hated being disturbed of my comfortable routine and being transported to a new place. I was also reaching a point of exhaustion at work, and things just didn't seem to be working well.

But when God wants something, it happens. The trip materialized and my sojourn in busy, bustling Hong Kong was a perfect time for God to begin speaking to me again.

It wasn't conversations everyday. Sometimes, He speaks to me before I dozed off at night. Other times, He speaks to me through course materials, through friends I made there. Little things. Reminders of promises He made. Reminders of promises I made. Urging me to make new covenants.

The point was - God began speaking again.

Throughout the next six months, it was a rollercoaster of emotions, experiences, struggles, challenges. Coming back to Malaysia, I was tempted to slip back into my old lifestyle again but this time, God had me by my neck.

To cut a long story short (I will blog about all these in full soon, I promise!); over the next six months, God turned my life upside down, inside out. He left no stone unturned. He began a series of cleaning up in my life and began addressing a lot of issues in my life that I had ran away from. I had become an expert of sweeping things under a carpet, and I didn't even know it. But unlike me, God hates a mess.

And so, the cleaning up went on and on. To be honest, it was horrible. Painful. Uncomfortable. But a necessity, if I was going to move on to the next season in my life.

But at the end of it, I'm looking back at these things and I can't help but praise God. During the time when God puts you through the fire and the flood, you wonder really, where is God. And how He can be so cruel. But it is during these times of trying and testing that God makes you stronger. I've heard that my whoel life, but it is only now that this experience has become mine.

Gold and diamond can only be purified through the hottest temperature. And these precious metals never crumble under pressure.

So yes, looking back at the theme - God HAD completed a lot of things in my life this year.

I had previously blogged about how God led the Israelites through the desert for 40 years - to completely cleanse them out of Egypt.

Speaking metaphorically, Egypt can be a lot of things in our lives. Habits, behaviours, mindset. We can be set free by the grace of God, and yet still be held bondage by 'Egypt'.

And as cruel as it seems, the desert experience was completely crucial for the Israelites. Because you see, inheriting the promised land whilst still bearing the Egyptian mindset would have spelled disaster for the Israelites.

Perhaps today, you're waiting on God for something. And maybe you feel you're in the middle of the desert somewhere.

But draw strength from this - that God has a plan to prosper you and not to harm you. And the plans of God are quite simply put, awesome beyong words

When the time is right, He will lead you to the promised land.

If I could sum up my year in one verse it would be this - Pressed Down, Shaken and Overflowing.

As the year draws to a close, I'm beginning to look back and thank God for every experience that He has given me this year. Looking back, I never fail to see the hands of God upon my life.

When God promises you something, it's for keeps.

So have faith.

A long time ago, my friend Alex said something profound that has stuck with me ever since.

It was just before one of our Christmas Nights, and the projector machine suddenly stopped functioning. And a lot of the play was dependant on the projector. The whole group got together to pray and miraculously, the projector started working again. It was during one of the testimony sessions after the play that Alex said that he knew God would come through - because God cannot fail.

And that's right, God CANNOT fail.

But a lot of it is going to depend on us - on our faith in God, in how much we trust Him and how much we believe in Him.

I've summed up Faith, my dear readers, as this - it is getting ready for what God has promised you, even before you see it.

I pray for God's love, joy and peace upon you in the Christmas season, and a fantastic new year ahead.

The Israelites wandered in the desert for forty years, before God brought them to the promised land.

Sent Charlie back home after church last Sunday, and we spoke about what Ps Ronald shared during the service. God took one day to deliver the Israelites out of Egypt, but he took forty years to deliver Egypt out of the Israelites.

Forty years. Round and round the desert, passing the Promised Land, and never quite seeing it. Until God deemed them fit.

The journey. It's not the destination that counts, it's the journey.

These past few weeks has been real humbling for me, and I feel that God is bringing me back to Him.

I've experienced how everything can be stripped away and what's left is what and where I first started of from: with God.

It's easy to let Egypt build up in our lives. Far easier than we think.

Recently I made a new friend and the way he lives his life, has totally challenged and transformed my perceptions and views on REALLY living it for God. This is a BIG God we serve, and there's so much more we can do, and there's so much more HE can do, if only we'd let him. Why are we setting boundaries on God?

Perhaps, the only differentiating factor, between living in a comfortable zone and really letting everything go for God, is simply a little thing called faith.

Perhaps we can only really see the bigness of our God we serve, if we let go of our narrow human understanding and simply...let God.

Jesus said that those who hold back their lives will lose it, but those who give their lives to God, stand to reap everything.

I have so much running through my mind and heart God, but I pray that as I journey back to You, I will find myself.